‘So I think one of the most radical things a girl can do is to own her body.’
Staceyann Chin
One could think nowadays it’s so common to talk about equality between sexes, every woman has heard the message and internalised it just a bit. This seems to be true, but there is still an outrageously large amount of doubts – especially when it comes to intimacy and sex.
Many women feel insecure about expressing their desire and pleasure in bed. We fear being labelled as sluts, being laughed at by our partner. Sometimes we feel like we don’t deserve it because of our faults, not being sexy enough. We fear rejection.
It’s a natural thing – to feel that fear. To have doubts and admit it to ourselves. We don’t have to hide it or be ashamed as every woman faces some of these obstacles in her journey. But it’s equally important to learn to conquer them. To stand up for ourselves.
One of the most shocking moments of my life was meeting a young woman suffering from anorgasmia. Don’t get me wrong: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having problems. What was so shocking was the fact that she never even considered going to see a doctor or a therapist. She liked sex, she did masturbate and used sex toys – and for years she didn’t get satisfaction. Can you even imagine?
What’s more I learned later that in only one of her relationships her partner made sure she was close to the edge. Her previous boyfriend didn’t care about her pleasure at all and even than she stayed passive and did nothing.
Sadly it wasn’t a one of a kind situation: I’ve met many other females in similar position. Sometimes it gets even worse when women experiencing pain during intercourse try their hardest not to let their partner know. They are ashamed of it but also they see this situation as a right one. Their learned from mothers, aunts, grandmothers and even teachers that women are not supposed (sic!) to feel too much pleasure during sex. That it’s a woman’s responsibility to give pleasure to men. So even when their rational minds rebel against these words, still they are internalised and alive deep in women’s unconsciousness. And still women don’t feel like they deserve a change.
So let me tell you something: no matter who you are, what’s your story, what you look like, how old you are (of course if you are a consenting adult!), you don’t have to be afraid or ashamed of feeling and expressing your pleasure. Even more: it’s your right and an obligation to yourself to care about your pleasure. Sex is one of the most beautiful, fulfilling, touching experiences of your life. Don’t let yourself be robbed of it. You have every right to take a moment only for yourself, not worrying about others, to relax, to feel. You have every right to explore your body and to explore your pleasure. It makes you feel more beautiful, more womanly, happier in everyday life. You can take an active part in creating your sex life and building intimacy between you and your loved one. If you don’t like something that’s happening – ask your partner to stop. If you want something, tell them.
And if you need medical care always seek it.
Your body and your pleasure is to be proud of. So take good care of them.